The Wonderfully Pointed Musings of an Intelligent and Handsome Professor

When noted KVTA blogger Dana asked me if I would be interested in writing a guest blog post to promote KVTA's production of Clue: On Stage, I asked, "How much does it pay?"

When he said, "Nothing..." I chuckled a bit to myself and politely ignored him.

He ran into me at rehearsal and tried again a few days later. This time he tried to appeal to my magnanimous generosity and legendary humility. I also recall him saying something about the attractive young women who regularly volunteer for KVTA. Of course, silly trifles like that don't matter to me. Then again, "When in Rome..."

I, of course, said yes right away.

What caption could do this image justice? I mean, just look at that gorgeous purple suit!

I mean, who else would be more qualified to speak about Clue: On Stage than the man most responsible for solving the mystery at Boddy Manor? Well, sure, there were others there, but I was more than 50% responsible. That's right, at least 20% responsible.

That's what the lovely Ms. Scarlet said, anyway. I know it's probably not proper for me to say, but that sniveling Mr. Green says that she thinks I'm a nifty guy. I mean, she's real gone for me. On the car ride up to Boddy Manor, she couldn't take her eyes off me. Not like that Mrs. White. Her eyes are like daggers. There's just something so mysterious about a woman with that many husbands...

And speaking of mysteries, there isn't one mystery that stodgy old Colonel Mustard could solve. I think his brain stopped working long ago and he is running on fumes. But I must give a man credit when it is due; his methods are certainly harsh, but effective. Even with his hardy leadership style, Wadsworth always seemed to be two steps ahead of him. Oh, did I mention that this place had a butler? And a maid? And a cook? This turned out to be quite a party. You know, that Mrs. Peacock, she must really be the life of the party! She claims to be a good girl, but I'm pretty sure she has her vices, too!

"Dana, what more do you want me to say? These people are nuts!"

"Well, Professor, there are some who would...you know...say the same about you..."

"What an outrageous thing to say! I am a respected man of science. My word carries the weight of truth!"

"Fine, fine, Professor. You're right. You are the epitome of quality. Keep your jacket on. Maybe just tell them why they should see the show."

"Ah, of course. Clue: On Stage, directed by Courtney Stephens, is showing at the KVTA Black Box Theatre on January 30 and 31 and February 1. Buy your tickets now at www.kvta.org. Don't wait! You'll want to be in the front row to experience all of me. Closer is better, as even my slightest facial expressions convey massive changes in tone and emotion. Who knows, maybe even my heavenly scent will make your experience a transcendent one."

"Thanks for your, uh, help, Professor. I'm sure that everyone is ready to, um, jump at the chance to see you in action."

"I think you may be right. Oh, and maybe you'll be interested in some of the other people in Boddy Manor. They each have a story to tell. But don't lose your primary focus, and remember..."

I'm a Doctor!

Dana James, or Professor Plum? They are both exceedingly dashing, so it's hard to tell!